Bedazzled Penes

The following is really for all males.  ALL.  MALES.  I feel this epidemic is common and serious enough for to be a story told, and hopefully it will raise awareness.


I'm talking about you and your penis pictures.


I've seen it a million times.  I've seen it on my girlfriends' phones a million times.  Heck, it's in the news and going on in high schools everywhere (a travesty).


I will state to you a fact plain and simple.   Men, we don't have sex with you because we like the look of your penis.  In fact, your penis has no allure whatsoever that makes us drawn to you sexually and we in fact would still have sex with you if your penis was teal (no one in her right mind likes that color on anything).

We do it because:
1) Sex feels good (if you are good at it).
2) It's the only way to reproduce
3) We want you to shut up sometimes and/or do something for us so we consider it payment.


So why do you send us penis pictures to our phones????  More importantly, WHO told you that this was desirable to us?  What hooker somewhere pretended to like to view pictures of penes?


I remember the first penis pic I received.  I was working at a little bit of an underground poker thing (so much you don't know about me) and this guy was tipping me well/requesting pix of me.  I was like "HELL no.." and he kept trying to convince me to do so.....


Nice guy, but I mean...no.  I mean I have sent naked stuff to my boyfriends before but people I trust (then again, now I don't trust some of them, so it shows how much I know)..

So in part of his attempt to get me to send him something, I suppose he must have thought it was some sort of an even trade (ha! even!!!??!?) and he, without WARNING...sends me a picture of his pene. His old, 40 year old balls and pene.


I was:
A) repulsed
B) amused
C) feeling like I was 5 again and should be punished on the couch for ten minutes for lookin at something like that. 
D) pissed I was trapped into seeing it, without warning.

What was he trying to even do?  I mean ... was I supposed to be like "OOOH, now that I see this, let me get the camera and prepare my britney for a photo shoot?"


If anything it made me hate that guy for catching me off guard and then the following weekends I would see him and just think of his stupid penis.


Besides, we SO don't care about that kind of stuff that we actually look in the pix and see other theengs.  Here are so me true accounts:

One girlfriend showed us all one of a guy's pene but all we could all see and discuss was the croc shoes alongside the pene.  Why were there crocs?  Does he wear crocs?  Maybe he does wear crocs since we did once see him using a murse.

Same girlfriend got a glorious background of Las Vegas in a pene pic.  We were kind of pissed because we couldn't properly see the view because of THE HUGE BLACK COCK STARING US IN THE FACE.


We don't WANT your naked pictures!!!  Why do you think there are far less male strip clubs in the world than women ones?  I mean sure..because men are disgusting perverts but moreso - we don't CARE.  We can see a pene whenever we WANT.

Seriously if I want to see a pene right here right now I can arrange it within the next half hour.  It's NOT HARD.  I don't need to see pix.

Also what do you think ?  Do you think we're aroused???  I mean maybe there's some std'd hussy out there who is..........but i have YET to meet one.   I highly doubt one exists.  Even the worst of the worst.

I mean sure a well groomed pene is better than a non-groomed pene................but the same goes for a brit or any other part of your body really.  But we don't need you to send us your penis pix via pix message!  STOP THAT!!!  STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES UPON NON-REQUEST!!



Dudes, on the other hand, request naked pictures ALL. THE.. TIME.  It does something for them.  I'm sorry but not one part of a dude will do anything for me in a picture.  Guys will take leg, ass, brit, boobies.  They don't care.

I mean can you imagine a girl asking a guy to send a nipple picture?  Yeah can you go put on your favorite crocs and send me your ass pic......but please make sure I can see your penis hanging down through the middle of the ass........


Again I'm not opposed to me sending stuff to someone I love.  I mean I won't deny that I have.  I mean please, I have some Paris Hilton stuff out there.  Hopefully not actually OUT THERE ...hopefully still nestled somewhere in a drawer or even if its still viewed (it is)...I trust that it isn't on "hollah at  ya girl dot com.."  (stop typing that in your browser, I just made it up)...

SEE?  GUYS were just about to type that in.  This proves my point exactly.



In conclusion, keep your pene to yourself and bring it out when we want you to.  In person.  Stop being such disgusting tools.