unless you're the plumber...

I'm going to talk here about pee and dumb broads. 




As a 12 year Catholic School Girl, I know a few thangs about the church.  One is that Jesus doesn't like impatience or whores. 


Going to the bathroom at the bar has become a complicated and dreaded chore..  Sometimes I wonder if I should just wear depends and pee sitting in my bar stool.


Girls have become full of anger, hatred, and argument.  Sometimes it's valid but most of the time, not.


As a night on the weekend goes, we all get more and more idiotic and hammered.  But can we all  please stop KNOCKING ON THE DOOR when someone is trying to take a piss????


You KNOW the peeing is longer than a normal mid-day pee from your house.  You just drank 3 beers and downed a cherry bomb.  You're gonna have longer flow time.  Give a girl in front of you a chance.

If a bish is not out after 3-4 minutes then yeah, maybe we may be understandably antsy.  I mean right?  You have to piss!  The other 9 girls in line behind you have to piss too.  But please allow a 1-2 minute grace period for the extra wasted girl whose pee is never-ending or who is too drunk to pull up her pants.  Or maybe she is mid-drunk-text with an ex and she just has to finish this last word while squatting over the pee-infested pot. 

Knocking ONLY ADDS PRESSURE and makes things worse and makes everyone angrier.

If a girl exceeds 5 total minutes in the bathroom and is alone, fuck her.  She does deserve the hatred of the entire line. I also wouldn't be opposed to some sort of crucifixion.






I have wanted to stab a bitch before.  One of these times is when  I wait like everyone else for some fatty dropping a deuce, and there's no one behind me the entire time.  Once I'm in, some wretched hooker starts pounding on the door.  I mean I haven't even gotten my pants unzipped yet.  I'm not even in position to pee and already someone's "KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKing!"

AND STOP TRYING TO OPEN THE DOOR!  I HEAR YOU OUT THERE LIKE AN INCOMPETENT BURGLAR TRYING TO PICK A LOCK!  What the fuck are you even doing????



Bitch you don't know how long I waited and you don't know how long I been in here.  Bad enough I have to smell someone else's poop and there's piss droplets all over the seat. So stand there and wait your effing turn until I'm done.  I seriously want to punch bitches all the time. 




Then when you come out they look at you like it wasn't them just pounding.  The cowards just say nothing when you swing open the door with a furious stink face. 




Other girls I wish to be electrocuted by a faulty hair straightener are the 2-3 girls that go in together and do not utilize the allotted acceptable time for going as a group. We know you are in there trying to hammerdly do your hair so stop thinking you are fooling anyone.  We may all be drunk in line behind you but we know what you're up to in there.

You look just as bad and sloppy as when you went in most of the time anyway.  I mean...it's 1am....if you are primping yourself for a guy he isn't gonna be particular anyway.  You should worry more about your britney.


And stop peeing on the floor.  You know who you are!  Even when I've been pre-black out drunk I am not jogging laps around the bathroom with pee running down my legs. 




Unless you have a legitimate reason to be pooping at the bar (there are only two valid reasons, and I won't say what one is because  if you don't know you don't need to know, and the other is you drank a Corona), then you should go home or roll that turd back up and get your tab.






If you live more than 5 minutes away and you boody-hoo can't do that, then you shouldn't be at the bar anyway because you're one of those randoms we don't know and you should be going to your local bar and not taking up a good stool at ours during a sports game. 


xo